One more...

Ok, just one more post for today then I am done.

I have another interview on Sunday. I am pretty stoked. She lives in East Bethel and it was a referral from work. I'm nervous. I didn't want to say anything but...I didn't get the last client I interviewed with. I guess she decided she wanted to do it on her own. Prayers would be appreciated that I get this one. I need the experience!

My friend just doula'd for her client a couple weeks ago. I met her at the Midwifery Workshop I went to in May. The labor was very sporadic for this mom and her cervix went from 3 to 5 to 7 to 5 again! The doctors were telling her that her pelvis was too small and that the baby was not engaging. They did a c section and guess what happened? THEY CUT THE BABIES CHEEK!


OMG!

That is just insane. I have never heard of that before and I wonder if the parents are going to take action? Probably not. I guess thats probably in the sheet you sign before you get cut. Other than that the baby is doing well. But I struggle with the whole baby-cant-fit thing. I just don't believe it. Even if it CAN happen, the chances are MUCH smaller than the actual percentages of c section because of this.

Does anyone have experience?

Don't Ask. Tell.

I just wanted to make a separate blog post about when women go to the hospital. Many women go into the hospital timid or without a clue. Letting doctors or OB's have their way with your birth and body. Not questioning who or what is going on. Others are a little bit more informed yet they ask to do things. They ask if something is ok.

I was really lucky to get a fantastic nurse (in the beginning of my labor) who was pretty much on board with my way of thinking. She knew I loved Ina May Gaskin and I had even brought her book to my birth for motivation. While having the EFM hooked to me, I was getting tired of it and was irritated at my lack of ability to move around. Finally I asked her, "Can I please take this off?" to which she replied...

"It is my job to make sure this stays on. If you want something done...Don't ask. Just Do."

So I did. I just told her I wasn't wearing it and if she wanted to check me she could use the doppler. That was probably some of the best advice I had gotten! Obviously there are times when a doctors opinion should be considered but do not let them tell you what you have to do. Because you dont have to do anything. This is your body. Your birth.

My Birth Story.

I was induced at 39wks for low amniotic fluid (i just learned I could have easily waited it out since there were no complications with this). I got to the hospital about 4. I filled out all the necessary paperwork and got the Cervidil inserted. It was probably about 6 that it was inserted and contractions started almost immediately. I was told that this wouldn't put me in labor. That we would be doing a 2nd treatment of this 12 hrs from the original insertion.

Liars.

After 2 hours of complete hell on my back, I was finally able to get up and move around. It seemed to relieve the pain somewhat but it was still painful. What was even more annoying was the fact that I had an EFM strapped to my belly and was ready to throw it across the room. Preferably at the ice maker in the hallway that insisted on making noise when I was in pain. HOW DARE IT! Hours rolled on and I had labored in the tub, in the shower, on a ball, on a rocking chair, in the hall blah blah blah. My contractions were painful and I wasn't dilating as fast as I would have liked. Actually, it was more as fast as the Certified Midwife would have liked. To this day I think I was induced because she didnt want to deal with me on a weekend. After all, I gave birth on a Friday. She was good to go....

Anyway, at about 12am my midwife checked me and I was 3cm, 2am, 5cm. She said she would give me a few more hours to dilate more. The goal was to make some progress or Pit would have to be started. She checked me at 5am....still...5cm. I was hysterical. That probably doesnt even begin to describe it. I tried talking to my cervix, talking to the baby, praying etc. Anything to help myself open up. To this day I think that my body was more or less in a fight or flight mode. It was asked and pressured to do something that it wasn't ready to do. My body to put it simply was NOT having this labor. I finally begged after 12 hrs for an epidural (i am sure my mom and husband were thrilled to get some rest! lol). It was going to happen anyway because my CNM was hooking me up to Pit. I felt like a failure. I wanted to badly to get this natural childbirth. I felt robbed.

7 hours later I delivered my little girl. Only 2 hours of pushing. And it wasn't even real pushing. It wasn't even hard.

This...is where my passion and spark drove from. I vowed to never to this again.

A Business is Born

I have come up with a name for my Doula 'business'. It will be called....




Love For Birth Doula Services





I know its not spectacular but it REALLY sums me up. The name will be modified once I become a midwife but it will be this for now. I have a friend working on a graphic for me, I'm going to be starting to save for my Childbirth International Doula certification and, will be getting this name trademarked (?) so that no one else takes it in the state of MN. Here is to hoping its not already taken!

This would be a DREAM COME TRUE!

Not too long ago I found that someone on mothering.com (in the forum) got to do a workshop at The Farm. The same place that Ina May runs. I got my quarterly Midwifery Today magazine this weekend and was paging through. Turns out, that she does indeed have workshops. It looks to be primarily during the summer yet I'm not sure. I just know there are some in June, August and September. Its a lot of the same stuff that I learned at my other workshop but more advanced. I HAVE to go. Truth be told, I dont think I will be able to this year, but maybe I can start saving.

Stuff to save for:
Ina Mays Midwifery Workshops
2010 Trust Birth Conference
More Books
Other workshops in the future
Doula Training with Childbirth International

I decided it looks like I'll need a separate account. I really need to start putting a fund for all these things. I know they would all benefit me. :)

I palpated my friends belly two weeks ago. It was so awesome! I was able to tell her that I felt her baby (she was only 26wks I believe) and I tried to feel certain parts. It was hard though as the baby was still small. My friend was thrilled to know that she could poke and prod all she wanted and her baby would be fine! Things with her are going well still and we decided to play everything by ear when she goes into labor. I cant WAIT!

Baby Blues?

I was thinking last night that I hadn't written a blog entry in a while. I guess I felt like all I could write about is my education and Childbirth. Then I started to think, "Well Baby Blues and PPD are a part of childbirth, right?"

I looked at my baby. She is so beautiful, small, helpless. I was young, a mother, alone. There was not enough people in the world from making me feel hopeless at that moment. My mother had just stopped by and I pleaded with my parents to stay. I am lonely!! DONT LEAVE! I had no choice. It was up to me to care for this baby. I was going to be alone and I had to get use to it. As soon as the door slammed shut I broke down. I put my beautiful baby girl in her moses basket and sobbed. Then I would pick her back up and stare in her eyes and sob some more. What the hell had gotten into me? For the next week I would burst in to tears at a moments notice. Go into my room crying for no reason. Poor husband had no idea what to do with me. Eventually, the crying subsided but the sadness and emptiness did not.

It wasn't for a year that I finally decided to get help. Irritable, sad, depressed, lonely, empty...all words that described me. Just a shell of a human being trying to make it through.

What I would describe the first part is baby blues. Lots of women get it. My mom did, a friend of mine did. She took great comfort in knowing that even though it sucks crying at the drop of a hat, it is 100% completely normal to do. The hormones in your body are adjusting.

However, the 2nd part is NOT. To some people Depression is mental. Its made up. Its not a real disease. But that is not true. Depression is real and very scary if you don't take care of it.

I guess the point of this post is to let women know about Baby Blues and PPD. What I had was in fact PPD that because I didnt treat it right away, it manifested in to full blown untreated depression (there are plenty of ways to treat it without having to use meds). Some ways I dealt with it was first Counseling then prescribed Citalopram. It actually worked really well for the first 2 mths. Then I started feeling zappy...and...I dont know how to describe it but I know a lot of users can relate. I stopped taking it because of the zappy feeling. The depression came back full force. Since then I have tried to use natural remedies such as working out and Omega 3. Both of which can greatly reduce your depression symptoms. You just need to find something that works for you.



Here is a helpful website on both conditions:

Baby Blues and Depression

Orgasmic Childbirth?

I totally forgot to blog about this today. I actually didn't expect much out of this movie as someone told me that it wasn't what they expected. They too are a student midwife and Doula (not certified yet) so I figured she was probably right. Well it arrived in my netflix today and I personally LOVED it. I know that movie will definitely not be for everyone. It can be a little out there for people. But for me, it was just right. Sure the moaning in the last scene was a little much but I can't imagine why everyone at some point in their life, cant have that experience. Just think about it for a moment. Instead of having excruciating pain (like they portray in the movies and TV shows) you are having types of euphoria and bliss. You learn to control the pain rather than have the pain control you. I just can't wrap my head around any other option! lol. Really though, I have a hard time wrapping my head around options OTHER than homebirth (in a normal pregnancy). The movies I have seen in the last 2 wks just solidifies my stance.

I can't believe how crazy I have become in the last few weeks about childbirth. I want to live, eat and breath it. I want to learn more and more everyday, take in everything and never stop. I want to help women understand their bodies. I want so bad for others to see what I see. What they are capable of. What WE are capable of. We deserve so much more than some of what modern maternity care shows and gives us. I know I sound radical but its the truth. I know also that all doctors and care professionals are NOT bad. Its just the bad ones that make it hard.

*sigh*

I'll get off my soap box. lol